Some epitaph links:
Here lies Lester Moore
No Les, No More
"Fangs for the Memories"
done in by rubble.
1426 she took her first breath
1442 she was stoned to death.
the town clown was buried face down.
Earl Lee Demise
he gone now, but he will return before sunrise.
to find out who's buried here you'll have to dig him up and see.
Silas O'Grady was mean to his wife.
He had a temper.
She had a knife.
Here's all that remains of poor old Bruce.
Jumped off a chair while wearing a noose.
Here lies big fat Jim.
Over there is the rest of him.
Here lies John Yeast,
Pardon him for not rising.
Here lies Bungee Biff
His rope was longer
Than the cliff
Will B. Back
I. Emma Ghoul
Mister Sewell - The victim of a dirty duel.
Here lies good old Fred. A great big rock fell on his head.
REST IN PEACE COUSIN HUET
we all know you didn't do it
At peaceful rest lies brother Claude planted here beneath this sod.
Dear Sweet Leota Beloved by all, in regions beyond now, but having a ball.
Dear departed brother Dave, he chased a bear into a cave.
C. U. Later
Dustin T Dust
Asher T Ashes
M T Tomb
Hail N Hardy
I M Ready
Love U trudy
I Trudy Dew
Pearl E Gates
Hap A Rition
Wee G. Bord
I. M. Gone
Here lies hypochondriac Rick
For once he was right
When he said he was sick
"Checkmate!" was the call
To dear old Jon
On the chessboard of life,
He was just a pawn
When your razor is dull but you need a shave
Think of the man who lies in this grave
Beneath this stone my wife doth lie
Now she's at rest and so am I.
Here lies an old Atheist by the name of Joe -
All dressed up, but no place to go!
A victim of fast women and slow horses
You might be a king or just a street sweeper
But sooner or later, you dance with the reaper
He liked to play, did little Matt
He played in traffic - And now he's flat
Poor poor Sally - she lost her life
She ran and stumbled with a knife
Lovely, lovely, little Blanche
Fell from the tree and hit every branch
Little Jenny ate too many sweets
Now her little heart no longer beats
Beneath this plot lies little Ned
He caught a cold and now he's dead
Too much candy made Billy burst
They boxed up the pieces in the hearse
His sister caught him unawares
Startled, Sammy fell down the stairs
Under this stone lies Billy Joe Bob
Stealing chickens was his last job
He had no friends because everyone hated him
Except for the worms, because they ates him.
He was a simple man who died of complications
Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever
Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.
I thought that I could love no other--
that is until I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes--
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.